April 2010
2 posts
DEAR DIARY,
AW MAN, AARDSMA! WHY’D YOU HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE TO PRAY FOR THAT???!
LOVE,
SEAN “DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND WHY WAK LOVES ME” WHITE
Dear Diary,
It’s almost time, guys! Only a few hours until we can get out on that field! God, I hope I don’t implode this year, ruining all of the impossible hopes everyone has for me! Even a slight regression would cause a huge backlash directed at me! Oh jeez! Fingers crossed everyone! Pray that Sean White stays way worse than me!
Love,
David “Consistent” Aardsma
January 2010
1 post
August 2009
1 post
As Thanks
To my bullpen,
I know things have been rough lately. There were the horrendous losses and the fact that the Angles appear to be unable to stop winning.
There were trades and new faces and saying goodbye to members of our team.
There was the fact that Yuniesky Betancourt tripled against us.
And there was the terrible news the MLB has banned our terrific, tough and manly gladiator helmets due...
July 2009
8 posts
Por Todos
Dearest Diary,
Today Dios smiled upon us. He delivered a win that he thought was just.
Like Corcoran’s shameful given up hit, I threw one ball and ohh, they bit.
But after that disgraceful homer, I kept the ball within the dome-r.
I got up there and threw 3 strikes, Ground out, ground out, the fly out was Mike’s.
And once we return from this well earned break, The AL West...
A Whole Dang Inning!
Dear Diary,
Yesterday was GREAT! O’ the mighty Astinos was in full force! I really was! I did it! And by striking out Josh Hamilton! That’s right-the ALL STAR JOSH HAMILTON! Down on strikes! A swinging strike! Let no man ever say Astinos is less than godly! I guess Wash did pretty well too (and Mr. Hoity Toity High Socks Himself, David AAAARDSMA) but he didn’t have to worry...
0-4
Dear Diary,
I’ll tell you what I told Skip and the rest.
Abraham Lincoln experienced many personal and professional losses on his way to the presidency. Likewise, Richard Nixon lost the 1960 presidential election and the 1962 Californian gubernatorial race before his election in 1968 and landslide reelection in 1972.
Vincent van Gogh sold very few paintings before his suicide.
Neither...
BACK
Dear Diary,
Just kidding- CHOO CHOO!!!
David A. Aardsma
I Learned Something Today
Dear Diary,
You know, I really did learn something today. Normally I stroll onto the field, my austere head shining in the sun, and I just take the Awesome Express train to Legendaryville. But today the train went into the uncharted waters of Repugnant Bay. And it really made me stop and think, you know? If I can do that terribly, maybe I’m being too harsh on the little guys. I mean, even...
Gollee!
Dear Diary,
Good gracious! Ah’m gunna guess that tonight did not go ex-act-a-ly as Wette wulda liked. After Erik done got all them strikeouts (8! Wowee!) Ah figured we had this little kitty in the bag. And then after Jak and Kelley had them troubles and all them runs and they called on me to save us, Ah figured Ah could do it! That’s why it was so very surprising, Ah jus let up the...
Relief!
Dear Diary,
Man, Wash was great today, wasn’t he? I guess it finally really hit me how much better baseball is without relief pitchers. I was pretty afraid that Skip was going to put me in and I was going to blow it again and Coach Leonidas would make me manually open and close the roof again. But Wash pitched a complete game and really got me off the hook! I kinda feel like maybe...
Time For Some Soul Searching
You see this face? This is how I felt watching you guys today. And now, because it is the Lord’s Day and just a game after the midway point in the season, I think we need to have a talk.
You guys were terrible today. I don’t want to be the guy that names names (but you were among the guilty, Astinos. Also Batista.) and I don’t want you guys to take it personally (except the...